My Story

I have often been Fear, but the story is shifting. Like most people, I have experienced trauma and wounding along with the sunshine and immense joy of my life. In many ways it has kept me afraid deep inside of shining and twinkling like the diamond I am, like the diamonds we all are. I’m learning to shift and reframe my wounding so that it is not my only story, the primary story, the overarching or underlying story. We often live through the filter of our unconscious stories, usually spun in childhood and young adulthood, in place of living authentically and courageously in the present moment.

I have spent a lot of my time experiencing anxiety and nervousness in my inner life. I think part of this is our experience of an imbalanced world alongside our deep sensitivities. Just like everyone else, you would never know it to look at or speak to me. My persona is chocked full of all the culturally appropriate qualities. I appear emotionally stable, helpful, kind, confident, strong, brave, etc. But that’s not what I’m really talking about.

I am talking about my inner experience of me - what it really feels like deep inside where the inner critic lives amongst the shadows. I am talking about choosing courage enough to live a life of fierce honesty and authenticity. I’m talking about pursuing the dreamiest of my dreams, being deeply true to myself and honoring the wondrous beauty all around me.

I’m talking about living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.

- Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic

So that’s it. I’m still afraid. Every day. And that is usually a part of everyone’s story. But I am choosing curiosity, dreams, nature, creativity and soul purpose over fear. It takes tremendous daily effort.

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

- Maya Angelou

I’ve known better, but got entangled in the fears. Our inner lives are so complicated, but I am befriending my shadows and moving forward. I cannot hide any longer from what is calling me. There is a wildness inside of me that will not be tamed by modern life. There is a fierce love for myself and others that cannot be suffocated by mindlessness or limiting dialogue that says I am not enough.

I am alive and awake. I feel the call of the Earth. She wants us back. She longs to be reconnected. We know in our hearts and our bones that we need each other. Healing ourselves and the planet are like the two cheeks of the same loving face.

I say all this here to say: I know pain, loss and heartache. I know what it’s like to want to feel better on the inside while you're keeping it all together on the outside.

I am here to make authentic offerings that help us relax, grow and heal our old stuff. There is much I do not know, but I recognize truth and beauty and I want us all to have more of it. I want us to have more of our lives filled with love, compassion and forgiveness of ourselves because that is our birthright. We experience peace within that love.

When we reclaim our deep and wondrous hearts for ourselves, we will be able to extend it to others and the Earth. We are all in this together. I still get nervous and scared, but there is beauty I want to share, so I  practice being brave and strive toward authenticity. The beauty is actually inside of us and we can touch and taste it through the simplest acts of creative expression.